Prepare a clear request, boundary or negotiation while staying focused on the outcome you need.
DEAR MAN is a DBT interpersonal-effectiveness skill: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident and Negotiate.
Build your script
- Describe: State observable facts.
- Express: Explain feelings or impact.
- Assert: Make a clear request or say no.
- Reinforce: Explain the benefit of cooperation.
- Mindful: Return to the main point.
- Appear confident: Use a steady, respectful delivery.
- Negotiate: Consider workable alternatives.
Example
“The last two deadlines changed without notice. I felt rushed and had to cancel planned work. Please tell me about deadline changes as soon as they are known. That will help me give you a more reliable result. I can adjust the sequence, but I cannot complete both tasks by Friday.”
Safety and power differences
Communication skills cannot remove coercion, retaliation or unequal power. When a request may increase danger or workplace risk, consider safeguarding, legal, union, human-resources or specialist support.
Related resources
Evidence and source
This worksheet practises a skill described in Marsha M. Linehan’s DBT Skills Training Manual, Revised Edition (2025). The CounselorAid worksheet has not been independently validated as a treatment or outcome measure.
Evidence and editorial note
Resource type: Educational overview of a DBT skill or skills module. It supports learning and practice but is not comprehensive Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Evidence basis: Marsha M. Linehan’s DBT Skills Training Manual, Revised Edition (2025), official Behavioral Tech training information, current NICE guidance and peer-reviewed evidence reviews where treatment claims are discussed.
Review status: Written and evidence-checked by the CounselorAid editorial team. Last evidence review: 3 August 2026. No named independent clinical reviewer is being claimed. Please report factual or safety concerns through the contact page.
Important: This information cannot diagnose a condition, assess personal risk or replace care from an appropriately qualified professional. In an immediate crisis or medical emergency, use local emergency or crisis services.